Roxy's World but I Just Live In it: My World... But I Just Live In It ;)

It's 2 AM but I cant sleep...

I'm so E.X.C.I.T.E.D to have found this blog. I dont write enough anymore. I used to write all the time... any thought crossing my mind was put onto paper or blogged about. I communicate better with a pen and paper or keyboard better than I do face to face with a person. I think it might have something to do with me feeling as if whatever I put down on paper (or screen) is personal... actual thoughts crossing my mind and it's a little scary to share those out loud. My communication skills suck. I get too flustered. It's as if there's an automatic filter from my brain to my mouth (ONLY when I DONT need it, when I DO need it, I'm spouting off all kinds of crazy things!) and what I'm TRYING to say comes out misconstrued as of to what I actually MEAN... go figure, right? Anyways, writing is therapeutic to me. It cleanses me. There's something so calming and serene about letting go of each and every individual thought...

This is not why I cant sleep though..

Funny how the Nyquil bottle says "May cause excitability in children"

Extra funny how even an Ibuprofen will put me to sleep

But this nightime coughsyrup has me wide awake

It's okay though...

I'm being held captive by the soft snoring and cooing coming from the crib next to my bed. :) I love that she smiles in her sleep... I never thought it was possible to be so enamored with someone, that you'd truly ENJOY watching them sleep... most of the time, if I'm looking at a sleeping person, I'm envious... MAJORITY of the time, if I can hear someone snoring while I'm trying to sleep, I contemplate smothering them with my pillow...Keyword: contemplate... never done it..

This is quite different from what I'd be doing 2 years ago... or even last year, at 3 am... I can't believe how much she's changed my life. You never FULLY understand until you're a mother. There's no way to explain it to anyone... She's made my heart open so wide but not wide enough bc I feel as if it's going to explode with love.

It's the warm mushy feeling you get...

the one that makes your toes tingle,

your abdomen flutter,

your heart quicken

... and you get such a warm feeling in your chest and tummy, that it feels like your heart is pumping extra blood...

When I brought her home from the hospital, I had to keep checking on her... looking at her. I wanted to make sure she was still here.. that it wasn't just a dream ,haha...

I know He got sick of me saying " I can't believe she's mine.. look what I made.. she's so perfect..." and yadayadayada... as if I'd made her all by myself (It FELT like it, I was the one carrying her for 9 months and 3 weeks, in labor for a full 24 hours... having my tummy cut open and dealing with the aftermath of things not being where they used to be for 3 whole months... eeek)